SHOOT FROM THE HIP!Pondering R/S: What (do you think) is a good ';first rule'; (or maxim) about giving advice?
That you shouldn't really, I think we only learn from our own mistakes. There is a line in one of my favourite songs that goes something like this: Advice is a way of dishing up the past, dusting it off, painting over the ugly parts and dispensing it for more than it is worth.
Doesn't stop me though :-) ((((Uncle))))Pondering R/S: What (do you think) is a good ';first rule'; (or maxim) about giving advice?
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then, when you criticize them, you are a mile away and you have their shoes!
I think the first rule is: be calm, patient and look at the response of the person you're talking to the whole time. People appreciate advice as long as it's clear you're willing to listen to and understand their response. Unfortunately online it's hard to show that attitude.
try to not judge ,(unless its deserved obviously)
instead of judging when you hear a persons problems, life challenges , expereinces, you think about it and answer it as if it was soemone else answering a q you asked
and
think about it, really think about it
if its an important problem, why woudl you go in and mess with soemones life just because your bored
you KNOW you woudlnt and COULDNT do it in 'real life' so dont frigging do it here
Do what people who ';talk to God'; do.
1. Figure out what it is you really want to do.
2. Ask God for advice
3. Make sure he agrees with you and if not, pretend you didn't hear him.
Variation:
1. Find out what the person really wants to do
2. Tell them to do that
3. Gain a reputation for incredible wisdom
Don't hate, but debate
and don't become irate
respect
each sect
never helps to just berate
inflate ballons
they swoon over
these clouds, you see
that seem so free
to me, to me, of what i see
that sky is very blue
it's true, just hear and near,
assumed a room in which it sings,
to you
Don't tell... guide. A person, is more likely to heed good advice if they are simply steered or guided in the right direction, and shown and come to the best conclusion on their own...
Telling people what to do or what is best, is hit or miss.
don't offer what is not asked of you
...unless, of course, the immediate proximity of danger necessitates your intervention.
For instance, ';Watch out for that bus!!'; would be a good example of that.
Try being open minded about things. Not everyone thinks the same way you do or has the same belief system. So me putting the Quran into every explanation would not work for someone who is an atheist or a Jew, etc.
Maximal objectivity
Your experience isn't the same as the person's.so, try to be as objective as possible and weight all options
That you would actually know something about what you are giving advice about.
Don't give others advice you yourself are unwilling to follow.
The first rule of giving advice is everyone should know advice is free.. so feel free to take it or leave it.
((((Unkie)))))
Cinn =)
P.S. It's the weekend still lol
Be sincere, say when you don't know, and if it's serious, refer to professionals
only take advice off someone whom you are willing to swap shoes with
Be nice, be quick, and say it in two lines.
First, do no harm.
I like to remember that most advice is free... and we often get what we pay for.
First, know who or what you are talking about.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Does he have the slightest feelings left for me? if you give good advice please answer!?
my ex boyfriend and i broke up in the middle of august, but we were gonna get back together. but after saying some nasty things to him thru a phone call one day when i was having a bad day, things changed. I apologized thru text and in person, and he said it was ok and that he was sorry to, but he stopped returning my phone calls and text messages. then he just disappeared. i see him maybe once or twice a month and when i do he ignores me, but i can see him staring at me from the corner of my eye. i still hang out with his friends and one day my friend texted him saying that everyone liked me better because i was always nice and he was just a jerk, which wasn't true. he texted her back saying that no one liked me because i was a *****. i was stunned that he would say that about me. he used to tell me that he loved me. i texted him the following day saying that everything she said wasn't true, and that i didn't know why he hated me. he never answered, and i haven't texted him since. he hates my friend, so why would he be telling her this? everyone else has told me that he doesn't mention me. at a friend's party one night, everyone was drunk except me and a few people, including him. my friend lost her phone and he was trying to help her find it. i didn't know what was going on, it was dark and everyone was drunk and annoying. so when i snapped at 'someone' for shining a cell phone in my face, i thought it was just someone acting stupid. turns out it was him asking me if i'd seen her phone. oops. so i can't blame him for thinking i didn't wanna talk to him. one day when my friend and i were at a tim horton's he was there and i followed her over to his truck, where there were other people i could talk to. apparently he said, ';i guess it's time to go'; when he saw me, i don't know for sure, my friend told me, but i didn't hear him. then she said ';jeez, why do you move away whenever she's around?'; or something like that and he got all defensive and was like, ';i don't, and i don't care if she's around';. i think about him everyday and i continue to say nothing bad about him ever. i apologized and took back everything, (all i said was that he didn't try hard enough and that he didn't care, even though i knew he did) so why did he badmouth me to my friend and why does he not talk to me? yet sometimes i still see him looking at me? does he hate me or is there more to this situation? i still have strong feelings for him, he was the first person i let into my life in that way. and no matter what he says or does, i'd still love him. help?
and how can i get him back into my life?Does he have the slightest feelings left for me? if you give good advice please answer!?
You sound like a nice normal girl. He sounds like a typical jaded exboyfriend.
So what's the problem?
You're acting desperate and needy, and he doesn't want a stalker.
Instead of having low self-esteem and chasing some boy who doesn't want you, you should consider letting go and meeting someone more worth your effort.
You'd be amazed at how quickly an ex is easy to forget when you meet someone new worth getting to know.
~ RobbyDoes he have the slightest feelings left for me? if you give good advice please answer!?
for one, i just want to say that i'm sorry you're going through this, i know how hard it is for you.
and so now, on with the advice : )
firstly, he's probably just in a lot of pain and confused about whats going on. Even though you had said sorry to him about the first phone call thing that you talked about, you still probably hurt him, and guys are just really stupid and even though they say they let things go, they don't all the time.
You say he loved you when you guys were together, and so he probably still really likes you but is just having conflicting feelings.
I would just leave him be for a while, even though i know it hurts. He needs some time to get over it and you need time to cool off. When you see him, just smile and ask him how he is. Be as nice as you can without being fake. He needs to be reminded of the person he fell in love with (probably).
Truthfully, just be ready for him not to take you back. You guys might end up getting together, but really, there's a chance that you might not.
It's like you need to start a friendship back up before you can start a relationship back up. Be his acquaintance, his friend, and it might gradually morph into a relationship.
I wish you the best of luck with this, and I hope everything works out fine. For the time being, just be happy for what you have, and come off as a very confident person to all, and everything will be just fine : )
-audie
He is an idiot. He should not have bad mouth you. If you get back with him and you two happen to break up, he may bad mouth you again. Forget him. He may talk to you if you don't talk to him. If this happens, remember he is a jerk.
He doesn't want you in his life, and he's gone to great lenghts to get that message across to you. He probably said that to your friend because your friend just blasted him in a text message; I would've done the same thing. He doesn't talk to you because he doesn't want to have a relationship with you, be it friendship or romantic. It's time to gve him up and move on with your life.
and how can i get him back into my life?Does he have the slightest feelings left for me? if you give good advice please answer!?
You sound like a nice normal girl. He sounds like a typical jaded exboyfriend.
So what's the problem?
You're acting desperate and needy, and he doesn't want a stalker.
Instead of having low self-esteem and chasing some boy who doesn't want you, you should consider letting go and meeting someone more worth your effort.
You'd be amazed at how quickly an ex is easy to forget when you meet someone new worth getting to know.
~ RobbyDoes he have the slightest feelings left for me? if you give good advice please answer!?
for one, i just want to say that i'm sorry you're going through this, i know how hard it is for you.
and so now, on with the advice : )
firstly, he's probably just in a lot of pain and confused about whats going on. Even though you had said sorry to him about the first phone call thing that you talked about, you still probably hurt him, and guys are just really stupid and even though they say they let things go, they don't all the time.
You say he loved you when you guys were together, and so he probably still really likes you but is just having conflicting feelings.
I would just leave him be for a while, even though i know it hurts. He needs some time to get over it and you need time to cool off. When you see him, just smile and ask him how he is. Be as nice as you can without being fake. He needs to be reminded of the person he fell in love with (probably).
Truthfully, just be ready for him not to take you back. You guys might end up getting together, but really, there's a chance that you might not.
It's like you need to start a friendship back up before you can start a relationship back up. Be his acquaintance, his friend, and it might gradually morph into a relationship.
I wish you the best of luck with this, and I hope everything works out fine. For the time being, just be happy for what you have, and come off as a very confident person to all, and everything will be just fine : )
-audie
He is an idiot. He should not have bad mouth you. If you get back with him and you two happen to break up, he may bad mouth you again. Forget him. He may talk to you if you don't talk to him. If this happens, remember he is a jerk.
He doesn't want you in his life, and he's gone to great lenghts to get that message across to you. He probably said that to your friend because your friend just blasted him in a text message; I would've done the same thing. He doesn't talk to you because he doesn't want to have a relationship with you, be it friendship or romantic. It's time to gve him up and move on with your life.
What should I do and do you have any advice to help me ?
So my question before i kinda like this guy but like i said he has a gf
So just today I found out we had lockers kinda by each other so he said hi to me and came to my locker and before school we were walking around and talking and went to the lunch area in are high school and were talking about school and bowling cuz he bowls and he was like this a picture of my gf on his phone and hes like i have better one of her at home and like I said in the other question his girlfriend like got sent to florida and to go boarding and he can't talk to her until like after christmas or something so he doesn't know if hes breaking up with her or what. But in my other question like I said were going to Winter Formal together as friends still eventhough he has a gf
Any answers would be helpful
ThanksWhat should I do and do you have any advice to help me ?
If he has a GF then he is off limits. He is just playing with your emotions.
So just today I found out we had lockers kinda by each other so he said hi to me and came to my locker and before school we were walking around and talking and went to the lunch area in are high school and were talking about school and bowling cuz he bowls and he was like this a picture of my gf on his phone and hes like i have better one of her at home and like I said in the other question his girlfriend like got sent to florida and to go boarding and he can't talk to her until like after christmas or something so he doesn't know if hes breaking up with her or what. But in my other question like I said were going to Winter Formal together as friends still eventhough he has a gf
Any answers would be helpful
ThanksWhat should I do and do you have any advice to help me ?
If he has a GF then he is off limits. He is just playing with your emotions.
Girls, could you give me advice?
I'm a 28 year old college student in the criminaj justice studies. I live at home and am single. In good shape and love to talk to people. I work at ups=under payed slaves. I know I might be a loser to some
of ya's. If you have any questions for me, message me and I'll answere. I'm good looking. It's friday night 11:03 on the 20th I think. I am in southern newjersey. Where can I go tonight to meet someone? Should I even try?Girls, could you give me advice?
Jesus that is not something I'd put on yahoo answers for and creeper stalkers and pedifiles to read, smartie. Get some friends and go to bars and clubs, duh.Girls, could you give me advice?
You don't sound like a loser to me at all, but you're a bit too old for me (I'm 16) and I live in California.
Go hit up the bars or clubs. Call up your guy friends and see what they're doing tonight. Just GET OUT and have a good night. Meet a cute nice girl with brains that you can relate to and have a great time with. Trust me, there are so many girls out there who wouldn't think you're a loser (like me).
whaaat?
This isn't a personals column.
huh?
lol i like your ups thing. never thought of that 1. honestly your question cunfuses me tho...
Yeah you should try.
answer mine, please?
http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind鈥?/a>
Hmmmm. an ice cream parlor?
Dating sites, Bars, Clubs, You could ask your friends to put you on a blind date, Talk to a nice, pretty girl at a coffee shop, etc!
Yes, you should try!
kevin, just so you know, and i am not trying to be mean, but it's really creapy, that you are asking this online, and also, this really isn't a question, you should go to the college and get wasted, then find a girl, all you need to do is go to a party, there are tons.... good luck dude
creeeper..... hey bars and clubs are the place to hit!! and if u do get a girl possibly ask her out to a thanksgivin g dinner!!!!!!!!!
Club%26amp;Bar= you get certain types of girls, either some who are desperate after a divorce, others who just wanna mess about
Concerts?Other events? Think thats your best shot in future
If you have a local hot spot for people, e.g. bowling alley, restaurant, karaoke bar all in one, this draws a lot of different crowds.
Dont go out with the idea of where can I meet girls. Go out with the knowledge of how you appear to girls/strangers, think of your body language are you around all your guy mates which makes you inaccesable, are you alone? do you slouch or are you confident and friendly?
Goodluck hun, yahoo me if you need help :]
Am I over my ex? pls help
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?鈥?/a>
How do you look? We should go out!
Aw you sound sweet :)
I'd say a bar but the type of girl you're looking to meet probably doesn't go to bars...
I don't really have any suggestions, sorry.
of ya's. If you have any questions for me, message me and I'll answere. I'm good looking. It's friday night 11:03 on the 20th I think. I am in southern newjersey. Where can I go tonight to meet someone? Should I even try?Girls, could you give me advice?
Jesus that is not something I'd put on yahoo answers for and creeper stalkers and pedifiles to read, smartie. Get some friends and go to bars and clubs, duh.Girls, could you give me advice?
You don't sound like a loser to me at all, but you're a bit too old for me (I'm 16) and I live in California.
Go hit up the bars or clubs. Call up your guy friends and see what they're doing tonight. Just GET OUT and have a good night. Meet a cute nice girl with brains that you can relate to and have a great time with. Trust me, there are so many girls out there who wouldn't think you're a loser (like me).
whaaat?
This isn't a personals column.
huh?
lol i like your ups thing. never thought of that 1. honestly your question cunfuses me tho...
Yeah you should try.
answer mine, please?
http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind鈥?/a>
Hmmmm. an ice cream parlor?
Dating sites, Bars, Clubs, You could ask your friends to put you on a blind date, Talk to a nice, pretty girl at a coffee shop, etc!
Yes, you should try!
kevin, just so you know, and i am not trying to be mean, but it's really creapy, that you are asking this online, and also, this really isn't a question, you should go to the college and get wasted, then find a girl, all you need to do is go to a party, there are tons.... good luck dude
creeeper..... hey bars and clubs are the place to hit!! and if u do get a girl possibly ask her out to a thanksgivin g dinner!!!!!!!!!
Club%26amp;Bar= you get certain types of girls, either some who are desperate after a divorce, others who just wanna mess about
Concerts?Other events? Think thats your best shot in future
If you have a local hot spot for people, e.g. bowling alley, restaurant, karaoke bar all in one, this draws a lot of different crowds.
Dont go out with the idea of where can I meet girls. Go out with the knowledge of how you appear to girls/strangers, think of your body language are you around all your guy mates which makes you inaccesable, are you alone? do you slouch or are you confident and friendly?
Goodluck hun, yahoo me if you need help :]
Am I over my ex? pls help
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?鈥?/a>
How do you look? We should go out!
Aw you sound sweet :)
I'd say a bar but the type of girl you're looking to meet probably doesn't go to bars...
I don't really have any suggestions, sorry.
What do you think? Any advice and help please.?
I'm 18 years old male have never had a girlfriend in my life and have never even dated and have never kissed because of many circumstances that are long to explain. I am straight not gay. Also, I don't look bad. The problem is that I am CONSTANTLY feel bad because of thinking that I missed my young years. I always feel depressed; it is like ruining my life. I feel that I missed the best times when a person have to date, and sometimes I want to die and wish that I will born back with a some luck. When I see young couples I feel myself more and more depressed. It is like I have gotten left alone. Any suggestions and help please? Thank you.What do you think? Any advice and help please.?
get a gf. maybe. or just go gay. whatevers easier.What do you think? Any advice and help please.?
Stop putting off getting into a relation ship, procrastinating is your enemy, and you need to get out there.
find a girl its not hard
:)eye blush
get a gf. maybe. or just go gay. whatevers easier.What do you think? Any advice and help please.?
Stop putting off getting into a relation ship, procrastinating is your enemy, and you need to get out there.
find a girl its not hard
:)
Parents, do you have any advice about this?
He is so close to finishing college. The problem is, he is doing it against his will. We all know having a college degree is really helpful but he doesnt want it. His parents have paid for his school of THEIR choice for a degree of THEIR choice. They have told him they will stop paying after the four years. he wont be done in that time. so its like they are saying :';Ok we will force you to waste all this time to get this close to your degree that we chose for you then you have to finish it and go deeply into debt.'; When they see that his grades arent that great they just tear him down for it. they are not encouraging at all and I dont know what to do to help him so he doesnt feel so bad after what they say to him.Parents, do you have any advice about this?
give him a good whipping
whip him till he agrees to finish school and get better grades and make him sign a contract
he will get good grades someday if you whip him hard enough
He will thank you for whipping him once he becomes succeful in lifeParents, do you have any advice about this?
My advice is to stop blaming other people for your problems. The fact that they helped paid for the majority of the education shows that they are great parents. Many students go even without parents help and pile a huge debt due to student loans. I'm surprised you are not even grateful for their help. Stop asking what other people can do for you, but ask what can you do to help yourself. They owe you nothing!
Since he's an adult, it's his choice to continue at a school he has no wish to attend. And as an adult, he is perfectly capable of rejecting his parent's opinions about his choices.
Time for him to break free and live his own life.
All the best.
give him a good whipping and he'll get better grades for sure
force him to finish and he'll thank you someday
well if he has already gone most of the 4 years, he might as well finish, or they (his parents) will have something else to get on him about, right?
finish the 4th year, and go to a college that he wants and pursue a degree that he wants. he can get financial iad or he will have to go into debt-what ever he has to do. or he can stop after the fourth year and get a job doing something else.
if he doesn't want under their thumb, then he needs to get out from under it himself.
as far as the grades-that will be one of my stipulations when i help out with my kids college. im not paying for it if they are going to waste it, by not trying thier hardest. we aren't rich, and if they want to play with my money, then we will move along to the next sibling-it is as easy as that. they have the right to say what they want about his grades, becuase they are providing the classes for it.
i won't be paying for my kids' entire education either. i will pay for what i can, whether it be 1 year or 5, and they will have to finish it off if they want more. he should be al ittle more grateful. i had to pay my own way through what college i had. he didn't have a problem with it in the beginning , becuase he went to the school they chose. so now, his only option would be to quit (which would be a little dumb, because he is so close) or to finish while putting up with what his parents have to say. people can be overwhelming, especially parents. ';in one ear and out the other';
Well to start with you don't treat him like a child and tell him its all his parents fault.
I'm sure they are doing the best they can but everyone has their limits. If he doesnt want a degree then fine let him drop out and have the parents stop payments. He can get a vocation instead of an education. If you really want to be there for him you cant baby him, hold him to a higher standard and make him act like a man.
What is it he does want to do and then be a motivator for him. If he has no aspirations then abandon him because he has already abandoned himself.
Simple fact is that he is an adult and he needs to join the rest of the adult population and be a contributor not a Dependant!
give him a good whipping
whip him till he agrees to finish school and get better grades and make him sign a contract
he will get good grades someday if you whip him hard enough
He will thank you for whipping him once he becomes succeful in lifeParents, do you have any advice about this?
My advice is to stop blaming other people for your problems. The fact that they helped paid for the majority of the education shows that they are great parents. Many students go even without parents help and pile a huge debt due to student loans. I'm surprised you are not even grateful for their help. Stop asking what other people can do for you, but ask what can you do to help yourself. They owe you nothing!
Since he's an adult, it's his choice to continue at a school he has no wish to attend. And as an adult, he is perfectly capable of rejecting his parent's opinions about his choices.
Time for him to break free and live his own life.
All the best.
give him a good whipping and he'll get better grades for sure
force him to finish and he'll thank you someday
well if he has already gone most of the 4 years, he might as well finish, or they (his parents) will have something else to get on him about, right?
finish the 4th year, and go to a college that he wants and pursue a degree that he wants. he can get financial iad or he will have to go into debt-what ever he has to do. or he can stop after the fourth year and get a job doing something else.
if he doesn't want under their thumb, then he needs to get out from under it himself.
as far as the grades-that will be one of my stipulations when i help out with my kids college. im not paying for it if they are going to waste it, by not trying thier hardest. we aren't rich, and if they want to play with my money, then we will move along to the next sibling-it is as easy as that. they have the right to say what they want about his grades, becuase they are providing the classes for it.
i won't be paying for my kids' entire education either. i will pay for what i can, whether it be 1 year or 5, and they will have to finish it off if they want more. he should be al ittle more grateful. i had to pay my own way through what college i had. he didn't have a problem with it in the beginning , becuase he went to the school they chose. so now, his only option would be to quit (which would be a little dumb, because he is so close) or to finish while putting up with what his parents have to say. people can be overwhelming, especially parents. ';in one ear and out the other';
Well to start with you don't treat him like a child and tell him its all his parents fault.
I'm sure they are doing the best they can but everyone has their limits. If he doesnt want a degree then fine let him drop out and have the parents stop payments. He can get a vocation instead of an education. If you really want to be there for him you cant baby him, hold him to a higher standard and make him act like a man.
What is it he does want to do and then be a motivator for him. If he has no aspirations then abandon him because he has already abandoned himself.
Simple fact is that he is an adult and he needs to join the rest of the adult population and be a contributor not a Dependant!
Poll . Do you listen to good advice or do you just do it anyway ?
I listen to good advice and if it makes sense to me I take it. To be honest, when it comes to advice, I'm more of a giver, not a receiver lol!
welcome back
*hugs*Poll . Do you listen to good advice or do you just do it anyway ?
I always try to listen to good advice. The hard part is knowing when the advice is actually good for you or just in theory. I just need to learn to listen better to my own good advice. Sometimes not listening enough to myself is what causes me the most trouble.
As far as listening to good advice or just doing it anyway - sometimes it can be quite freeing and exhilarating to throw all caution to the wind. Guess it all depends.... ; )Poll . Do you listen to good advice or do you just do it anyway ?
Depends on the situation but mostly just do it anyway.
that is because if something goes wrong , i would know its because of me , i dont have to blame someone else for it.
*glad to see bear back(with a bang) with lots of care*
I listen and weigh up all the info before making a decision, because once I have made up my mind theres just no changing it :)
i do what i gotta do!
I take it into consideration, but I usually do what I feel is right. It usually pays off.
Do it anyway, carebear
I listen to it if I am avbe to
You must have to be a lot older than 20 before you learn to listen to good advice.
.... i just do it anyway ... i really shouldn't cos i always pick the wrong choice lol
Just do it anyway
I do listen,but i tend to do what i want anyhows...
I just do it anyway.
i get advice and do it
I listen alright, but then say......eff it, what do they know anyway.
I do either. Depends on my mood.
Do what my guts tells me.
just do it by my way..
I take it onboard.
welcome back
*hugs*Poll . Do you listen to good advice or do you just do it anyway ?
I always try to listen to good advice. The hard part is knowing when the advice is actually good for you or just in theory. I just need to learn to listen better to my own good advice. Sometimes not listening enough to myself is what causes me the most trouble.
As far as listening to good advice or just doing it anyway - sometimes it can be quite freeing and exhilarating to throw all caution to the wind. Guess it all depends.... ; )Poll . Do you listen to good advice or do you just do it anyway ?
Depends on the situation but mostly just do it anyway.
that is because if something goes wrong , i would know its because of me , i dont have to blame someone else for it.
*glad to see bear back(with a bang) with lots of care*
I listen and weigh up all the info before making a decision, because once I have made up my mind theres just no changing it :)
i do what i gotta do!
I take it into consideration, but I usually do what I feel is right. It usually pays off.
Do it anyway, carebear
I listen to it if I am avbe to
You must have to be a lot older than 20 before you learn to listen to good advice.
.... i just do it anyway ... i really shouldn't cos i always pick the wrong choice lol
Just do it anyway
I do listen,but i tend to do what i want anyhows...
I just do it anyway.
i get advice and do it
I listen alright, but then say......eff it, what do they know anyway.
I do either. Depends on my mood.
Do what my guts tells me.
just do it by my way..
I take it onboard.
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