Do you have any advice for me?

I've been stressed out for as long as I can remember, and especially over school. I worked since I was 4 to get into Harvard, and I was rejected, but I still got into really prestigious schools with exactly what I was looking for (prestige doesn't matter, but I feel like people think I'm stupid when I admit to being rejected by such an amazing school). I'm past that now and I'm thinking of transferring to my original backup/safety school (they said they'd still take me), because I'm pre-med and I'm about to either finally overcome my religion and kill myself or quit school. The problem is that my parents think I want to transfer because I'm homesick, I'm not homesick. I tried explaining and they insist I have to stay here. My parents spent so much time making fun of the school I'm attending (when they knew Harvard, meant so much to me, and they even went to the Ivy League colleges themselves). I don't understand why they insist on me staying here, maybe they should have spent less time putting this place down. I'm so annoyed, because they're always doing this to me. I have a lot of reasons as to why I want to transfer, but they won't listen to me and they won't even let me come home and try to explain.





I sound spoiled and selfish here, and I am so sorry. I can't do this anymore though and I'm tired of trying to save them from stress and of always taking care of them, when they just expect me to be perfect and to give them something to brag about; I love my parents more than anything, I feel lost though. Do you have any advice? Again, I'm really sorry.





Thank you very much!Do you have any advice for me?
you sound...very beaten down. how many times did you apologize? (stop! i can already hear your apology for over-apologizing!) there's no need to apologize for wishing you got into Harvard rather than, say Yale. anyone who scorns these perfectly rational feelings is an @sshole. you should be allowed to feel your feelings without apology.





you remind me a lot of how i used to be. i was also a little ms. perfect for my parents to show off to the rest of the PTA. my parents were also overbearing and dismissive of my feelings, no matter how civilly i tried to state my position.





i used to scorn classmates that ';acted out'; during their teenage years. i thought that was so juvenile. now i realize that ';acting out'; (a parenting phrase, mind you) is actually necessary to show your parents that you are an entity independent of them and you are entitled to some respect.





parents, like children, can grow spoiled. they can begin to view their children as obedient, complacent extensions of themselves. they project their hopes and desires onto their children, who are forced to endure the stress and work that goes into making those hopes a reality. they begin to bully their children in a way that they wouldn't dare do to any other human being. parents can forget that despite giving birth to them, children are not their property.





like a good parent ensures that their child does not become a brat, you to must put your foot down to ensure your parents do not become selfish intolerant gits. insist on your right to determine your own future, you may have to go pretty far to prove your point. your parents may threaten to disown you. it's your decision as to what to do when it comes to that.





you don't have to start going crazy: partying, doing hard drugs and attending satanist gatherings to prove your point. just stand up for yourself. state in a clear and decisive manner what you will and will not tolerate. are you willing to have them fiscally disown you if it comes down to it? is your freedom, happiness and self-respect worth it? i think so. and honestly, if that does happen, you won't die. you can handle it. and you'll be happier living a life you want to live. when you make that decision to no longer be indebted to your parents (even if it only goes so far as making that choice), that's when even the most belligerent parents are forced respect you.Do you have any advice for me?
My parents and especially grandparents would not let me live my life the way I wanted. Nothing wrong with it. I just wanted to stay single for a while, do things I wanted to do, learn to support myself, and learn from my own mistakes. My grandparents wanted me to marry and let my husband support me. No one would listen. They kept butting in and tried to run my life. They could not break the umbilical cord. Finally I just got my own place, moved, and did not talk to them until they listened what I had to say. It did not take long, only a couple of months. They began to question why I refused to talk to them. I explained that I will talk to them if they would listen to what I had to say. They knew I meant business. It worked.





Don't let them put you down. You do what you need to do. They should be greatful that you are going to school and medical school at that. I would transfer, find your own place, and do what you need to do. Don't let them know what you are doing. Let them know that you are tired of their childish behavior and you will fill them in when they are not so negative and will actually listen.
You have to do whats going to make you happier in the long run. I know right now it seems like a HUGE deal to get your parents to be happy AND do what you like. But if you will remember that Its the future that matters, not the MOMENT, then you can make the right decision. Eventually your parents will be fine with your decision and the world will keep on going even though you transfer to the school you can be happiest at. Its really about yourself being happy. Others will fall into place. I promise. Im just curious, is the school your in Ivy League, and the one you want to transfer to NOT Ivy League? Is this the problem your parents are having? Cause thats not THAT important. THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Keep that in mind. Once you make your decision and stick to it, things will settle down. You will have a good career no matter. Parents will come around. Most of them always do. :)

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